Archive for October, 2022

Discussions on Death, Dying, Grief and Loss

October 13th, 2022

Death is a mystery in anyone’s terms. A person is here one moment and gone the next… forever. Yet, we never think of them beforehand as gone, even if we’re expecting them to die. We are never ready for death; theirs or ours.

It’s the absence of the person that we grapple with. We just cannot reconcile it, and as human beings we don’t like to be in positions like that.

Death itself is not a popular topic for discussion, generally.

I was so shocked recently to learn of the loss of a geographically distant but close enough friend. We had helped each other, prayed for each other and each other’s family, and journeyed together from opposite sides of the globe. Now he’s gone. He was 47.

I looked at a photograph of this man with his family – taken years ago – and they had so much potential. None of what we know now impinged on that perfect image.

If only we had insight into how things might turn out; about who may not be here in a year or two, six months, or tomorrow. We take too much preciousness for granted.

DEATH, IF WE’RE NOT AFRAID OF IT, PROMOTES DISCUSSION

Because events like death are so finalising, and so incomprehensible, they invite discussion if and when we’re ready. We need to talk about it when we are ready.

If we’ve not been lacerated by the claw that is death we are possibly in awe of the mystery of the concept, which is no morbid appreciation besides an abnormal preoccupation, which might invite worry on the part of loved ones regarding potential for suicide, possibly.

Death gives us a better appreciation for life. It puts life into a more awesome and delicate perspective; life suddenly takes on more of an eternal value. Appreciation for life creates energy and energy finds an outlet in discussion and spending time together. The togetherness exacted from discussion promotes healing. These are transactions of love to fuel life.

DEATH BEYOND DISCUSSION

What is certain, however, is that beyond discussion death is likely to silence us into a reflective mood which reminds us that we all owe God our physical death. It’s the price of life, for what is living must eventually die, just as what goes up must ultimately come down.

Beyond that, if we believe, we have Glory to look forward to.

But death is beyond discussion when all is said and done. So many parts of the dying and post-death realities cannot be, in truth, value added through talk. Nothing can add value to death unless we consider the person dead to be in heaven. Even then there’s a limit to how much we can discuss the fact.

And concepts of heaven have us marvelling at what that might be like; for we see a creation that is mind blowing – how might heaven be supremely more stupendous?

Death: like it or not, it’s an enigma generating both discussion and silence. Nothing will change that.

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.

Death, Dying and A Meaningful Life – 3 Lessons on Appreciation, Laughter and Trust

October 13th, 2022

We want to enjoy a meaningful life. We want to have a peaceful death. But do we know how? The year before he died, my brother Joe taught me three powerful lessons on living and dying well.

Joe was the picture of good health. He was an avid runner. About two weeks after 9/11 he received a diagnosis of late stage lung cancer. A year later he died peacefully at age 54. I remember his last year and these lessons from Joe in every corner of my heart.

Lesson One: Express appreciation often during each day.

My brother was known as a grateful man at the Dorn VA Medical Center in Columbia, South Carolina. He expressed his thanks for the smallest help given him. Even in pain, my brother smiled and appreciated each person.

Joe wrote a short letter to the editors of the Columbia Journal that captured his deep sense of appreciation. He was so pleased when they published it. We had his letter enlarged and made copies. Joe and I went around to each bulletin board on his hospital floor and posted a copy. He wanted everyone to read it and know his appreciation.

Lesson Two: Find humor in life’s moments and laugh often.

Joe never lost his sense of humor and his ability to let loose with one-liners. He had a talent for dark humor and he reveled in it. I remember one story in particular. Its images remain vivid in my mind.

Toward the end of his life Joe had to rely on a wheelchair to get around. One day I was pushing him through the halls to the hospital’s garden atrium. Along the way he greeted numerous friends-also in wheel chairs. When we reached the atrium, Joe gave me a dead pan look and said, “I never thought I’d have wheel chair envy.” He made me laugh right out loud.

Lesson Three: Trust that your life has Divine meaning and purpose.

Shortly before he died, Joe and I sat in his living room and discussed the age-old dilemma of why good people suffer. We talked about how they should respond to this suffering. He was struggling with the question of “Why me?” Finally Joe put his head against the high back chair, closed his eyes and said softly, “I accept.” He had found the courage to trust that his life had Divine meaning and purpose. Stillness came over him. Three days later my brother died a peaceful death.

Joe fought for his life with courage and determination. He wanted to enjoy whatever time he had left. Yet he faced his death and all the fears and unknowns surrounding it with the same heroic spirit. He showed us that life holds more joy when we live each day, looking for things to appreciate and reasons to laugh. And death holds less fear when we live with trust in our Divine purpose for being here. In his last year on earth, Joe taught us powerful ways for living and dying well.

Mary Beth Ford, Ed. D., is the author of “Wisdom from the Gardens: Life Lessons” and creator of Garden Wisdom Teleseminars. She specializes in the area of life balance, which she describes as balance between world and Spirit. In both book and teleseminar Dr. Ford shares her five powerful garden lessons for living with balance and joy. Using nature images she gives us an inspiring vision of ourselves and our world. She offers products online at The Garden Wisdom Store. To learn more,